Ok, let’s get some things straight. Cause I don’t want to hear “I’m not a confident type of person” or “This is how I am. I don’t like to brag” type of affirmations.
Self-confidence is not something I grew up with. I didn’t have it, and no one enabled it to me. It took me a few decades to realise that what I had accomplished was not because of my friends, the society I lived in or that I was in the right place at the right time. It was me that attracted all these things and people into my life; it was me that did things consciously or unconsciously towards those achievements.
What is self-confidence and what’s the difference between self-confidence and self-esteem?
Confidence is a skill that we acquire by ourselves. All the promotions, compliments and accomplishments we have in our lives are just to satisfy our ego and not to strengthen our confidence. When you believe that good things happen to you because of YOU and not anyone else or a circumstance you were in, you get more than instant gratification. We are all capable of changing our lives and live the way we want and not “have to” if we just believe we can. People say our mind makes us human. Some say it’s the heart. I tend to believe the latter.
The brain is very powerful if it’s trained to think you can do it. If your mind is constantly searching for the worst scenario and what could go wrong, you will never do what you want. Things don’t always go the way we planned, but they always open another door. The main reason we don’t do the things we like is that we fear we’ll fail. Fear is the main reason we doubt ourselves and live a monotonous or frustrating life. But what if we face fear? What if we challenge it? What if we try?
Self-esteem is about your perception of being worthy of respect from others. In other words lack of self-esteem is when you don’t believe someone has any reason to admire, appreciate or respect you. As I think self-esteem is highly correlated to self-confidence (if you don’t believe in yourself you can’t expect to believe another will), once you start to be more confident you will perceive yourself as worthy too.
How do you get more confidence?
Here are the top 5 of the most important things you could try to boost your confidence.
- Make a list of your achievements
As a confidence coach, I always tell my clients to start with a list. Make a list of your achievements and read that every day when you wake up. Mindset is about what you tell your brain every second. Tony Robbins said that we create our own reality with our thoughts. You believe whatever you put in your mind!
- Allow yourself to fail
Allow yourself to fail, and you’ll see more possibilities than before. And you’ll love yourself for trying. And you’ll have a different story to tell. You would have stepped out of your comfort zone. Trust your potential, not your mind. Your mind will find ways to hold you down. Give yourself credit and do something. If you succeed, it’s going to be the best decision you have ever made. If you fail, you’ll have offered yourself the experience of your lifetime.
- Take care of your body
I’ve always said I don’t believe in “Inside is all that matters, love yourself for what’s on the inside and not the outside” or “Embrace your body”. I know a lot of people might disagree on this one, but I strongly believe that a fit, healthy body would definitely give you more confidence in yourself and certainly self-esteem. After all, we live in a social world where we constantly interact with one another and unfortunately, appearances still impact a relationship, a job or a business relationship. And then, even if you decide you don’t care about what others think, you still need to face your own thoughts. And if you don’t want to go and live on a mountain for the rest of your life, you will still feel unappreciated, unworthy or unattractive. That’s why eating healthy, exercising, dressing nice, putting makeup on or doing your manicure is not just consumerism marketing, but also a practical way to boost your confidence as a woman.
I know, if you are not that confident is hard to socialise right? But think about it, practice makes it easy. If you commit yourself to see your friends/friend each week to catch up you will soon develop your communication skills, therefore it would be much easier to talk to strangers at a party. Also, when you socialise you realise others have problems too, and sharing your thoughts will others will give you the chance to analyse them and get feedback from them. My confidence skyrocketed after I started to engage with more people from different areas and I can adapt to any conversation.
- Learn something new
Everyone says that as if everyone would have the time or energy to do it. Well, time, I’m pretty sure you can squeeze at least an hour per week (even if that means missing out on your favourite programme) and energy comes from motivation. You don’t have energy cause you’re not motivated enough to do it. But when you do decide you want to learn something new, whether is for a hobby or you want to develop it in a business, your break your monotonous routine of work-bar/shopping centre-home and feel proud about yourself. Proudness boosts your confidence better than any positive affirmation you would repeat in the mirror every day.
There are, of course, multiple ways you can gain more confidence in yourself and boost your self-esteem, and to be fair I don't think there is a magic recipe you can follow and boom next day you wake up full of confidence ready to take on the world. But, what I’m sure of that every little thing to do takes you a step closer to your goal. It might take some time but you’ll get there if you really want to.
Most of the times, as much as you would want to gain more confidence you simply can’t do it by yourself.
If you need someone to guide you and support you through the process, request a free confidence coaching session here.